Warum sich immer mehr Männer frustriert vom Daten zurückziehen

Als ich gerade zu einem anderen Thema recherchiert habe, bin ich auf einen schon über ein Jahr alten Beitrag in der Zeitschrift "Psychology Today" gestoßen, der zum gut zum letzten Genderama-Blogpost passt. Darin geht es darum, inwiefern nähere Kontakte mit dem anderen Geschlecht für Männer immer unbefriedigender geworden sind. Die in dem Beitrag enthaltenen Informationen dürften für viele Genderama-Leser nicht neu sein, aber es ist doch immerhin erfreulich, dass dies inzwischen auch in populärwissenschaftlichen Fachmagazinen diskutiert wird:

Today, men are given confusing and contradictory advice. Socially, they are expected to be "compliant" (i.e. cooperative) partners to women. However, they are also urged by women's sexual interest to maintain an "attractive personality" (i.e. assertive and ambitious). Unfortunately, men sometimes report that attempting to balance these notions does not result in satisfaction, happiness, or women's appreciation and respect.

The men that I speak with (...) lament about being in a "no win situation" in modern dating. If they follow what society tells them to do, they often end up "good guys" who are taken advantage of, mistreated, and disrespected. In contrast, if they follow more "assertive" biological imperatives, they are labeled "jerks" and "players"—who may get sexual gratification, but not love or respect from what they would consider a "good woman". Overall, they report that there is often little incentive for men to date and even less for them to consider long-term commitments.

If men choose to follow social norms and become compliant as "good guys", they may get a "relationship partner". However, due to women's social vs. biological double-bind, these compliant men may also not be "attractive" to those same relationship partners (Buss & Shackelford, 2008). As a result, they may be punished by their girlfriend's/wife's lack of sexual interest, being cheated on, or disrespected as a "push over". These men may further be regarded as "just friends"—expected to pay for all of the costs of a relationship, without the physical and intimate benefits (...).

In contrast, if men shun social pressures to be "nice" and follow what is biologically attractive, they have a higher likelihood of getting "sex partners". However, these men are often punished by being socially labeled as "jerks", "players", or even "creeps", unfit for socially-defined relationships. Furthermore, their tactics are often designated as "sexist" (Hall & Canterberry, 2011). Therefore, these men may get sex, but they often do not get love and respect.

(...) Given that, many men sit on the couch, plug in a video game, and opt out—just as Behaviorism and Skinner might predict.

Hier findet man den vollständigen Artikel.